A SOFT HEARTED GIRL

 

My name is Kristina Cassandra Pareja and welcome to my blog 

 

 A lot of you may not know that I'm softhearted. Unfortunately, I am more sensitive than I seem. They do not know that I'm in pain because I always smile. I gave a smile to the people around me; that's why they don't know what's going on with me. If little things can make me happy, then little things can make me sad and cry too. They don't know behind those sweet smiles and loud laughs that, at the end of the day, it's just me and my room crying nonstop because of the personal problems I'm facing. Sometimes I hate myself for being sensitive to the point that I invalidate my own feelings. I hope everyone knows how their words can hurt me—their offensive words. I always choose to be quiet and not tell them how hurt their words are and how it affects me. Being softhearted is hard because some people lack awareness and lack emotional intelligence; they can't understand why I like this. I hate myself for being like this; being softhearted and sensitive is not easy. I hate seeing myself cry over little things. when every time someone makes fun about my insecurities i automatically cry even though it's just a joke. for me it's so insensitive for making fun of others insecurities just to get attention, just for clout. you know that it's different kind of pain when i cry in public place and i didn't care what people thought about me.

None of you know that I'm a middle child; I'm the invisible one in the family. Sometimes I feel like I left behind in terms of attention. I always compared; everything about me is seen as a mistake. I always blamed for everything, even if it wasn't my fault. What hurts me the most? when every time I give discipline to my brother, it all gets wasted because my mother always tolerates my brother's bad doings. She always takes his side every time me and Bro are arguing. I hate getting yelled at by my family, actually even from other people. My eyes are automatically forming tears, and I'll start to cry really hard. Whenever they see me cry just because they shout at me, they always say I'm so sensitive, and it makes me hurt more. I always get invalidation from them. But even though sometimes they hurt me, I know, and of course they love me, and I do love them no matter what. 

 As a soft-hearted girl, I need people who will understand me 

Now I met this person. A person that inspires me to be better than what I already am. It gives me all these philosophical wisdoms that made me change my path for the better. It has the intelligence like no other. In the world full of dark path, I see the light through that person. he always makes me feel validated.

And I have friends that also make me feel validated. I'm so thankful because God gave me this healthy friendship that I will treasure forever. They always make me feel validated, so I'm not afraid anymore to yap or rant to them because they always listen to me and they understand what I feel. I would rather run to my friends who already saw me ugly crying and saw my random personalities because they will never judge me. They always check on me; they always notice my silent, they always ask me if I'm okay. I do love them very much every time I try to invalidate my feelings because it seems like I'm getting oa; they always say it's okay to feel what I feel, and they always say that my feelings are always valid. As a soft-hearted girl, I really need this kind of person who always considers my feelings. My past friends made me feel that I'm a fool, and they always make me feel invalidated. After that, I chose to be quiet and not tell them what's going on in my life because I knew they would just say that I'm dramatic. I felt like my feelings were not important. Not until I found a healthy circle of friends do I feel like I'm home whenever I'm with them. Because of them, I'm not afraid anymore to communicate my feelings; I'm not afraid to yap everything because I never got invalidation from them; they always validate my feelings.